Yesterday in a post I wrote that I wanted people to "suffer". I'd like to take a second here to highlight on that. I did not mean that I wanted people to hurt (as in pain). I simply meant that I want people to walk a mile in any homeless shoes. I went on to say that that frame of mind is the "homelessrob" coming out.
I think being homeless is much like being on drugs. It gets to you. There is one difference which is that most homeless people don't ask for it. Most homeless people just become homeless. Maybe it happens because of drugs. Maybe it happens because of a relationship that want wrong. Maybe it's because they gambled. But even these aren't reasons to become homeless. There are plenty of people who do these things and still have a home.
Homelessness just comes onto you. Homelessness is just there. Its like one day you are having it really bad. You are running around the streets all day making calls trying to get help. Then it hits you, you have no where to sleep that night. You are homeless. Then the wheels in your head start turning. The need to survive is in the front of your head. Its like a ton of bricks hit you in the face. You are homeless.
When people do drugs, or gamble, or refuse to leave a relationship that's destined not to work they still have a choice. They still have options. A Druggie can still quit (I know that's not easy). A gambler can stop before he looses his home. A woman can still leave on her own before the man tosses her out.
Homelessness just is. Now, I do believe homelessness is a lot like a disease. It gets to you. It makes you something you are not. It wears you down. It rots you from the inside out.
Now, I'm not trying to say that being homeless is harder then any other thing. What I'm trying to say is that homelessness tends to come about in a different way and that the effect still seem to be the same.
I once was a good man.
Before I wouldn't think of stealing......... I think about it a lot now.
Before I wouldn't have wanted to be in jail....... that sounds like a vacation to me now.
Before I cared about people who cared about me..... Its too shameful to make that call, now. I'd rather be left alone.
Before I was all about giving..... now I'm all about the taking (not more than I need, I still follow that rule).
Before I respected the laws........ now I can't wait to break them because my survival depends on it.
This to me is how being homeless can change a person. Like drugs, homelessness rots us from the inside out.
Me, I feel like I'm still somewhere in the middle. I think I'm still the old me. But every day I feel like I'm becoming the "homelessrob".
Have you ever heard a homeless person rant to himself? I mean really listen? Not just hear him, look over at him, then say to yourself "just some homeless person ranting", then walk away. I have done that, but recently I've actually listened to what they say. And what I noticed was that a lot of the rant made sense to me. I found logic and, at times, humor.
I once saw a episode of "cops" (Vegas) where the cops were picking up a homeless person. Mostly because the homeless man had a big mouth. He just would not shut up and it was getting him into trouble. At one point the cop offered the homeless man a deal. He said "if you stop talking for one minute I'll let you go"! The homeless man stopped talking. Then the cop went on a trip - he started talking, talking, talking, all about how even though the man was homeless he still had to respect the cops. The cop finally stopped with a question "do you understand?". The homeless man would not speak. LOL! The cop didn't know what to do. They all where laughing. The cops and the homeless person where all laughing together. They couldn't hold him after that. It was funny.
What made me think about this is what I thought about the homeless man at the beginning. When I first saw him and heard him give the cops a hard time I thought "here is one dirty, grumpy, miserable, homeless man. He deserves to go to jail". But by the end, he looked very different to me. Much more respectable - all of a sudden, I didn't want him to go to jail. I saw that he was witted, had a friendly smile, and his refusal to talk in order to keep him out of jail was just too funny. I realized that he wasn't a bad person at all.
People who become homeless change over time. Maybe they change for the better, but usually the change is for the worse I think. I'm changing for the worse. But make no mistake.... If you ran into me on the streets and started a conversation, I could have one with you. I might be homeless and I might be going through some mental changes but I'm still with it. I still have a chance to make it back to normal.
I know this post (much like some of my others) is very scattered-brained. And I don't think being homeless is any harder than being on drugs or anything else. People or drugs have it just as hard. If I offended anyone in this post, I'm sorry. These are just my opinions and what I think and feel about how being homeless can change a person.
If you don't have a spot and you have not really thought about where you are going to sleep for the night, try to start your search right before the sun goes down. Believe it or not, its easier to find a spot in the dark than in the day. There are less people out at night and you are more likeley to find a place that's more secluded.
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