Saturday, January 28, 2012

Day - 129 Rob and Kellie!

I was talking to a friend the other night. I don't remember exactly what got us on the topic of "sugar mammas" but that's were we landed. I mentioned to her how a few men had asked me why I didn't just get one. LOL, almost as if the act of doing this is as simple as buying a candy bar.

I explained to my friend that not only do I not know how this act is done but I also have no interest in that drama or learning how. I have more important things to do and currently, getting ANY "type" of woman is not on my "to do" list (as much as I would like it to be). I'm single and my life is a mess. I have learned by now that adding a woman into this sort of mess is not a good solution. My friend agrees.

So I don't talk about girls here much except to say "I don't have time to mess up two lives at once". However, I do get asked about my relationship from time to time, and if it is your interest to know, I will tell. I don't mind.

I love the mother of my kids (Samantha). However, I'm in love with Kellie

This is my love life:

I see Kellie every day. I love her, deeply! I think I did before I ever knew her because she turned out to be everything I expected her to be..... and more.

I meet Kellie about 3 years ago in California. Kellie is the truest form of a "Long Beach Bomb Shell" as you can get. She has it all: the beautiful face, the beautiful smile. She makes friends in an instant. We couldn't go anywhere where she did not know someone. Everyone liked her. She is smart, funny, and one of a kind. You will NOT dislike Kellie. And 3 years ago she had her beautiful, brown eyes, set on me.

Kellie and I fell in love fast, but not too fast. LOL, she had to feel me out first. A woman like Kellie does not just fall for a guy so easily. LOL, I did not mind though. I thought it was cool. Kellie had a lot of men chasing after her at that time (actually, the whole time). But me, I do not chase, and I suppose that's what got her attention in the first place. I just get too nervous to attempt a "chase"! So while the other guys stood around starring at her with nothing to say, I stayed back in the cut, and let nature take its course (if you will) :). I waited it out. I let Kellie figure me out, and it was in her interest in me that I found interest in her. It was in this mutual interest that we fell in love with each other.

Now, when I say Kellie and I were in love, I mean it! This is love! The unquestionable kind. The kind of love where you know you don't just love that person but you can actually feel them love you too. You know the kind. That every morning, first thought, kind of love. That love where everyone that sees you knows. Kellie and I had that love for each other where there never seemed to be an end to its depths. The dynamics were great as well. The thrill, excitement, and passion (for our relationship) were all there. Kellie and I found all sorts of feelings between us, in our love for each other.

One thing Kellie always told me was that she loved the way I spoke to her. She said I used words on her in a way that excited her and made her happy, constantly. One night I wrote Kellie a love letter. LOL, I know that's corny but I don't care because I knew it would make her happy and that is what I liked to do to Kellie, make her happy. I stayed up late one night and wrote her a few pages. Kellie loved it. She smiled at me in a way that I knew I never want to see go away. I started writing Kellie every night after that. She loved all my letters. Kellie would take my letters, date then, and put then in a folder. I know Kellie appreciated my letters. I know that they made her happy. I know she cared very much about them. She would often tell me she stayed up later reading them.

After a few months it was Christmas time. I wanted do to something nice for her. I "located" all the letters I had written to her, sorted them out, put them into order, and placed them into sleeves in a big binder. When Christmas came I gave the binder to her. Kellie was so happy. LOL, she hugged me so much I did not think she would let go, and  I didn't want her to. I gave Kellie a 354 page love letter that day. Kellie then told me she always had this thing she wanted me to do with her letters - she always wanted me to read them to her. And yes......... every night after that Kellie and I would sit up on the couch, she would cuddle up with me, and I would read to her all she desired. Besides my kids, these where the best moments of my life.

Sometimes love can be a short lived event, and for Kellie and I that was the case. Kellie and I both knew that we had to go our seperat ways. She and I both came to the conclusion that if we were going to move on with our lives we simply could not do it together. She and I both had a lot of "life work" to do. Our lives were just going in two different directions. But there was that moment, that one moment in my time, where besides the love of my kids, I felt a love that I had always been looking for. I had found it, and the breakup was a hard breakup. Neither of us wanted to do it. The last thing Kellie did in the last second I saw her was she kissed me good bye.Then she was out the door, off to work, and I was on a bus back to my kids in VT. That was the last time I saw Kellie.

I have not seen or heard from Kellie in years. But every day I see her. Kellie left her mark on me in a way that I simply do not want to forget. She taught me so much about life and how to care for the ones you love, and that love you. She taught me to respect myself better. She taught me to have more confidence in myself. She taught me to take the moments that matter the most and make the best of them, even if they are not to last forever. Kellie only cared about ME as a person, and I think that's what made her son special to me. She cared NOTHING about anything other than me, as a person. I learned a lot about who I was because of the way she cared and loved me. In my mind I see Kellie every day. In my heart she sits.

For as much as I wish I could have that love back, I'm no fool. I know that time has passed now. I know that even if I opened my FB in the morning and saw a message from Kellie, things just would not be the same. And that's why I never try to seek her out. I would not want to tarnish the way I feel about her. Or tarnish the way I remember her, even to have her back, it just wouldn't be worth it. In my mind and heart, Kellie is the way I remember her most. The only woman that really cared and loved me. I don't want to change that.

So, for the ones that have asked about my love life or past love life, here it is. Short, corny, and in depth! LOL! I figured I'd let you in on it a little. I did promise I would give you everything. And now you know where I was on love, and where I stand on love now. I wish I could have a good woman for me now. But I just do not have the time. My life is a mess. And that is OK because at least I still have my girl, Kellie! I love her deeply and in my heart she sits!

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Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day - 127 Homelessrob Is Homeless, NOT, Kinda

It is true, I now have a job and a roof over my head. It happened about 4 or 5 days ago. I should have posted it up sooner than now, but I've just been warped up in so much stuff.

So let me get down to it. I've got a lot going on now.

First, I have a job. It's not much at all. I stand on the street corner and hold a sign for an auto repair glass company. I did not like it at all the first few days. I was embarrassed. I felt like everyone was looking down on me. Making fun of me. Saying to themselves "this guy is not worth much". I'm not making much money and this job is very much out of my way. However, I've gotten used to it, now and I see some pluses here too. This is a great opportunity to get the ball rolling on some other things I have going on. Also, my employer is trying to do some good things here in Tamp, FL for the homeless problem. I see opportunity with this too. I see that if I give him a good push here on my blog I might be able to help him employ some people and turn some tides here in Tampa. I can't let pride get in the way here. I'll hold the sign and do my best to make better things happen.

The job also came in with a roof over my head. This feels good. I have a shower and running water. I also have a roommate. It turns out he and I actually go to the same church too. Feels good to have a place. Its a small house that needs work. Part of the deal is that I help do some of the work it the house. I also have to pay 50$ a week. Its an OK deal. I'll have money left over.

So, at this point I'd like to make a few things clear. So that you are not left in wonder later. These things are BOTH temporary. That's right! I'm grateful, but I also know this is not going to last, and YES, that is on me. I only took this offer because I know I needed the leg up to get me to the next level of my project. That's the ONLY reason.

I still consider myself homeless. Even if I did not, I've been in this game long enough to know that just as fast as I got off the streets, I can land right back on them. The reason is because I broke my own rule and took a direction that I did not pave on my own. I'm living a life someone else made for me. For some people this works. It just will not work for me. Homelessness to me has become something that I have to fix on my own and in my own way. I hope people can understand what I'm saying here and don't assume "well, Homelessrob wants to live like this" or "Homelessrob is full of pride and that's not Christian" because I can't believe that about myself at all.

If I was full of pride I certainly would not be blogging my whole life to you. I simply want my life back and in the way I make it. I don't believe that's prideful, too much to ask for, un-Christian, or even out of the question. I think its pretty reasonable actually. Isn't that something most everyone wants? A life of their own?

So, YES, believe me when I say that I'm grateful. But this is all temporary. I'm simply going to make the best of it. Get myself going on my mission, and if I can help some other people help some homeless people then that's a really good deal!

Remember, I never invited you here to tell you a story about a man that was homeless and trying to get a roof over his head. I set out to tell you a story of a man that had a goal to reach who happened to be homeless. My goal is still far away. This story is far from finished! I am making progress towards my goals. I'll be talking about that soon.

A lot of you know I have also been working on helping my new friend Lance out. This is a hard thing to do. One of the biggest problems I'm having is that Lance has no I.D., NONE! This is a very bad start. Without an I.D. Lance can get nothing. He can't get treatment for his wounds (which, I found out the other night, he has some fresh ones), he can't get insurance, he can't get a food card, he can't even get a sandwich at the local church (he has been around for some time though so maybe he can get that).

My point is this: with out his I.Ds Lance can't really do much. Guess what it takes to get I.D? You got it - an I.D.! LOL!

Well, there must be a way around this somehow. I have some very cool people working hard to help me out on this problem. I hope something breaks soon though. I'm also waiting for a few boxes that some other very cool people have sent to me for him. So, Lance is a work in progress but progress is being made. I like Lance a lot! Lance gets very excited when I talk to him about these things. I see light in his eyes. I just hope I can do it for him. If I let him down this could be devastating to him. I have no intention to just toss him some stuff and walk off though. I'm going to bring him as far up out of his homelessness as possible. I just don't want to fail.

For you, my readers and friends, I want to take a second to thank you all for being there for me. This little world of mine has grown large in the last 127 days. I never could have expected this. Now, I'm going to attempt to carry out my plans, and continue to give you what I hope you see as THE GREATEST STORY OF ALL TIME (besides the Bible, of course)!!!!! haha!

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Saturday, January 21, 2012

Day - 122 Homelessrob, Lance Update

This is my Lance update. I think its good that people see his progress and reactions. I know for a fact that there were people around here that said Lance was a lost cause. I know for a fact those people were fools.

During this interview I asked Lance if there was anything he wanted to say to my friends that were helping me help him. Lance said "not yet". That cracked me up a lot. I have not given Lance anything yet. I will when the time is right. I just want to get the full effect of what I will have for him. I do want to point out one thing that I think people would find interesting. For as much as I have talked to Lance off camera, Lance has not once, NOT ONCE, asked me for anything. Not one red cent.

The only thing about Lance that aggravates me is what happens when he is not on camera. When Lance and I are off the camera I see a huge difference.You might see a difference also between tape one and two, but I'm sure to you it is slight. Lance is far more talkative to me, and he talks to me in a way that I think people don't expect . He doesn't talk to me in a "babbling homeless manner" (as I know at least one person thinks). Lance carries on a civilized conversation. He smiles and laughs and has made me think about a thing or two myself. I wish you could see that and maybe before this is all done you will. Its just a personal thing I wish I could show you now, but hey I don't like cameras in my face either.  Lance appreciates the help a lot more than he shows on camera, I can promise you that.

So, I'm working hard for this guy, everything that I told him was true. I've made some progress. Right after I made this tape I came online and was checking my messages. I MIGHT have found a group home for him. I have my fingers crossed on that one. These things are the least I can do for him. Lance is giving me so much more and has yet to even ask for a single thing in return. LOL, If that face alone doesn't break someone out of their stereotyped thinking about homelessness then I don't know what will!

I'm sorry about the audio on this tape. It is kinda soft. You can hear very loud and clear, but you can't hear Lance all that well. I'm sorry about that. I'll try to make the next ones better. I'm still new about these things. My bad!

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Day - 118 Homelessrob, Lunch Time With Lance!

This is Lance! I've seen Lance around quite a few times. However, it wasn't until recently that I actually found him. I was walking down the street and stopped to do something. I looked up and I saw that in the back of a lot there was a building. Living in the doorway was Lance.

Lance and I had talked a few times before we did this little video. Lance was a bit nervous (he's camera shy). But he warmed up to me rather quickly. It always seems to me that when it comes to Lance, he just wants someone to talk to.
Lance has actually told me he has been living in this doorway now for about 6 month. He recently had a seizure in which he either broke of fractured his hand. He also might have done the same to his face. He keeps telling me he can't eat solids and keeps telling me about his jaw and his teeth. I try to bring something down to him to eat from time to time but it's not easy. I can't buy anything hot on my food card and I also can't get him solids because it hurts him. Ticks me off. Today I got him some water, jello, and some soft chicken salad.

You might notice me laughing a lot on this video. I couldn't help it! Lance makes me a little nervous. Lance has got some health problems. Some are probably mental (that's just a guess, I could be wrong), and some are physical (that I'm pretty sure about). Lance always wants to shake my hand and its hard to be direct when I tell him that I can't do that. Its hard to say to someone "I don't shake people's hands" when you know its a lie. Lance is covered in black scabs that don't seem to be healing. He seems to have then all over. Also, where his hand is swollen up from the break (or fracture) I can see his skin has some sort of a yellowish film to it. I don't know what any of that means but is more then enough for me to keep my distance. Other wish.... I'd shake this mans hand!

Lance said he had nothing to say to anyone on file. He also told me that there is nothing anyone could do to help him. However, Lance did tell me after the interview that he could use some new cloths. I'm going to try to do somethings here. The first thing on my list is to try to get him cleaned up a little. Get some supplies and some clean cloths. After that I'm gonna try to get him down to an office and get him some insurance and possibly some food stamps to.

I told Lance that I would be back in the morning to see him and I'm going to try ( I might have a job interview in the morning). He asked me what time he could expect to see me, so he could make sure he was there.

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Friday, January 13, 2012

Day - 114 Homelessrob and His Tent

Finally,  it took me a long time to get this for you, LOL! It wasn't easy, but then again nothing in my life is. This is actually the 3rd time I did  this video and also the 3rd day of trying to get it posted here on my little blog for you.

Personally, I would rather you never see me, LOL! I look like I got hit by a truck. I don't sleep well at night, not because I sleep in a tent but mostly because I think a lot and it keeps me up. Last night I might not have really slept at all.

So, I look bad and I'm nervous. Its the first time ever doing this and it was not easy. My brain was scattered all over the place to top it all off.

The reasons I did this for you:

1- So you can actually see me. As awful as I look, I do have a face and I am an actual person. I'm also seen all over Tampa. I go to church. I go into stores. I got to the library. I go to Starbucks, McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts. I used to go to day-labor (still no work) and there are a lot of people who know me (whether or not I like it). You might see me in any of these places and never know where I live. You might not ever think for a second that I live in a tent.

2- To show you where I live and what I do to get there.

3- To explain why I chose this spot. I have 4 main reasons for living where I do.
     1: It's private and hard to find. No one is going to come looking for me. No one is going to find me.
     2: It keeps me off other people's property and out of the reach of the Tampa, FL law enforcement.
     3: It is safer than camping on the streets where anyone can get to me. Drug dealers and gang bangers often look for spots for the same reasons I do. They look for quiet, isolated places they can go and meet their clients at 2am. If they see me sleeping somewhere, I'm an easy target for them. They love easy targets.
The same also goes for these "homeless serial killers"! There always seems to be one of those little punks running around also.
    4: It's a safe place to keep my stuff. If I had to bring all my stuff with me everywhere I went I wouldn't make it far. A lot of homeless people don't have that option. They have to bring their things with them (or they choose to have things to bring). Either way, in my opinion, that's a hold up. I have actually seen homeless people move down a street by moving a few bags at a time. They bring a few bags up the street and go back for the rest. I can't do that (sorry) and because I have a safe spot to put my stuff I don't have to. Believe me when I tell you that I'm very grateful for that luxury.

This is my first video! PLEASE, do not message me and tell me how you can't sleep at night now because you have see my ugly mug!

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