I have a friend that visits me on http://www.homelessforums.org/ . This is a homeless forum where people go to talk about homelessness. I go there because I believe in being in the conversation. I don't get to post much there in the way of responses. However, I do read a lot of the posts and I post quite a bit. My friend who goes by the name "milky_way" is very cool. He always responds to my posts with an encouraging attitude and more than a few kind words.
A little while ago, milky_way responded to a post I did called "Homelessrob VS. God". He liked it. However, he mentioned to me that I should change the title to "Homelessrob VS. Satin". In the post I mentioned that a never feel closer to God as when I'm homeless.
I considered milky_way's response for awhile and then decided not to change the title. The reason is that I feel its much harder to build a relationship with God than it is to fall into the temptations of satin while the chips are against you. God himself said "the path is narrow".
I said in my last post that homeless people are often overlooked for at least one fine quality - the ability to not take the chicken way out. Homeless people are not robbing your house (for the most part). For a homeless person to be on the streets and constantly be building a relationship with God, this is a tremendous thing. A blessing! However, it does feel like a bit of a fight with God. I got an email today from a friend of mine that said in her hard times she became born again. Since then she seems to not ever get a break. She has had it hard. She doesn't know where she stands. This is a prime example of what I mean.
When I became born again I was looking for answers to why I became homeless. I thought somehow that if I became a believer God would pull me up and make the pain stop. Give me back my kids. Give me a job that was good to me. Get me back to where I had been all my life. Make everything all right again. 4 years later, God has done none of that! I'm still in the dump. I'm still homeless. This is a misconception people often have about God while becoming a believer. God will not just go and fix all that you think is wrong. He doesn't do that.
What God did do for me was so much more though. He opened my eyes. He made me a much more humble person. I needed that. He showed me things I had never felt like love, compassion, kindness. God shared all the cold nights with me. God fed me when I didn't know how I was going to feed myself. When I was in danger, God protected me. When I was alone, God talked to me. God listened when I rambled. When I was scared, God comforted me. He never left my side even though I left His. Now I want Him back and I feel Him here. God has been with me every single step of the way. I am grateful.
Now, about my friend who doesn't know where she stands. I would say to her, "that's OK"! Its not always easy to have faith. It can at times be a bit of a struggle. Here is the fact of the matter though: If you are still in struggle about where you stand with God, then you haven't given up one Him yet! I hope she takes care of herself. All I have ever known about her is that she is someone that has motivated me much to keep doing what I'm doing now. She always seems to move me when it matters most. I'm sure she will be reading this. I just want her to know that to me, her kindness and friendliness has moved me. I appreciate you, friend!
I kind of went in another direction here. Back to milky_way. So, it was in all this thinking that I remembered all the times I was walking around somewhere (being homeless). Got to go here! Got to go there! I hated all the walking. However, one thing I did love about it is the time I spent talking to God. I was always praying. I was always dialoguing with Him. I was always building my relationship with Him. It was no sooner that I was thinking these very thoughts when God spoke to me. "Walk it, Rob" he said! This order from God is in regards to my "mission".
Its all becoming clear what I need to be doing now. After the New Years and after I get my crosses made I am to start walking. State to state! Across the country! Building my relationship with God. Spreading homelessness awareness (as best I can). Using my crosses to (hopefully) to give hope to homeless people with the Word of God (the best I can) and all at the same time, trying to reach my goal (kids, home, car)!
Its all becoming clear what I need to do. Start here in Tampa, FL. End up in Randolph, VT with my goal achieved and my work done.
I feel this is what God has been telling me. I feel like this is His will, and I'm going to do it!
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