Friday, November 18, 2011

Day-58 Homelessrob Can't Get Mail

I am so aggravated right now. Is it impossible for me to get some mail? I think it is. I've tried several times now. Recently I tried to use a church to get the mail. The church offers lunch 3 times a week. They also offer their address for the homeless to use.

First, I had a box delivered. This was a box filled with material I was going to use to make my crosses. I never got it. Later I found out that the box was returned. I figure "OK, this church just saw a box and returned it. They probably don't get boxes often and didn't know what to do with it."

Then, I had my mother send me some money. When I couldn't get my box I had the company refund my card (which my mother had, ... long story). This shouldn't have been a problem. My mom is cool, so she did it! I want to the church but the mail wasn't there.

At this point I'm furious. However, I take the time to relax! Calm down! Remember, this is a church! These people are trying to help. I think back to when I first realized this service was available. It was easy to remember, because I was very excited. I had already been having problems getting mail. So I asked myself: Did I ask then if they would take in a box? Yes, I did! They said "yes"! Did I ask then if I had to do anything to be able to take advantage of this service? Yes I did! The answer was "no"! Did I ask then if I had to talk to anyone first? Yes I did! The answer was "no"! What I was told to do was simply have the mail sent there and I would get it. That's it! They wouldn't send anything back and they would hold it there until I could get it.

Finally, after I had calmed down, I saw a man sorting through the mail. I began to ask him about it. He offered no help. After A few minuets someone else who was eavesdropping directed me to someone who was "better suited" to help me. I began asking her about my problem. She offered me no help. She just kind of kept saying the same thing "we don't return mail here", which I know isn't true. She also said "she didn't know me" which baffled me. She and I went around for a  about 1 minute. I kept my cool! I didn't want to because it was quickly becoming apparent to me that this service was a mess. I had been mislead, misinformed, and was now being shrugged off as if it were nothing. I could tell this woman didn't want anything to do with this.

It was at this point that I began my heart-felt plea for some understanding! "Miss, this has my life in it" I said. It was also at this point that she said one of the most insulting things anyone has ever said to me. "Then you should take responsibility for it" she said to me. I had no choice but to walk away. I could feel my blood was boiling at this point. It cost me all the energy I had to walk away. She simply did not care.

Between there and here I thought about it. Why did this make me so mad? Well, first of all I didn't have my mail. I tried to explain to her that I did everything right according to the people left in change of their "offering". I even tried to make it right by asking her if there was something I missed. Maybe I needed to introduce myself to her first, so that she would know that there was a homeless guy there that was going to be getting mail. She implied that! Her lack of understanding made me very upset. But it was the lack of understand that drives me crazy.

"Take responsibility"! She didn't know me from a hole in the ground. But because I was someone that needed to have mail sent there all of a sudden I'm not responsible. Does homelessness = irresponsibility all of a sudden?

Because I'm homeless I don't work! I don't pay child support! I'm a beggar! I drink every chance I get! I'm on drugs! Maybe because I'm homeless I am also fresh out of jail! Maybe because I'm homeless I beat girls! Maybe because I'm homeless I shouldn't even deserve that $100 my mom sent to me. Maybe because I'm homeless she has the right to judge me in front of a room full of people who don't even know me at all. Maybe because I'm homeless I'm just the bad guy. Maybe because I'm homeless I cant get by without her help!

GGGGGRRRRRRR! I'm letting it out now because I'm none of that. I work everyday I get a chance. I pay my support. I stay out of trouble. I don't do drugs. I haven't had a single drink since I've been on the streets (I also don't drink that often as it is). I don't go out and beg people for money or help every time I see someone either. I've never hit a girl! I do not deserve to be judged because of this mess I fell into. If I was irresponsible I surely wouldn't be trying so hard to get out. That little bit of mail did have my life in it and I had to take a day off to get what should have been there.

So here it is, a woman who has now judged me and shut me out. I don't ever want to go back there again. I'd rather starve. Not that I eat there often anyway. I might have had about 3 lunches there all together. I'm mad though. Not because I didn't get the mail. Not even because she judged me. But mostly because this woman has no idea what - or who - she's "helping".

I find this to be a common thing. I have stated this fact in quite a few previous posts. I have asked this question "why try to help something you don't understand?" I don't get it. If she wanted to help the homeless she would know how important mail is. If you are going to offer that service to homeless people you'd best get that one right. She should also know that homeless people are movers. She is NOT going to know every face that walks though the she door. I recognized her. I saw her all 3 times I was there. I just didn't know I apparently had to introduce myself to her.

I like seeing people helping. I admire people that go out of their way to do what's right. This woman seems to be more worried about her image than what or who she's helping. That's my opinion. However, in the fight against homelessness, she isn't the first and only. In fact, I have ran into a few people like this (I have mentioned some of this in the past).

Homelessness is something that takes UNDERSTANDING. You can not help the homeless if you cant understand them. It simply won't work! Its not like H.I.V.  so that if you donate money to help stop H.I.V then that's what you did and H.I.V is that much closer to being cured. If you tell a homeless person that you will take in their mail and you didn't hold true to your word, that homeless man might starve for the next 3 days.

Usually my posts are not like this. Today is just that day though. Homelessness isn't always a pretty thing.

I feel like I'm bashing this lady! Really, what I want to bash is the source of her judgment. Because that's the problem. There are a few (very few) things that it will take to bring the stop of homelessness into a reality. Understanding is one of those things. This lady doesn't understand. She simply sees something that she feels is nasty, dirty, filthy, and tries to clean it up. That isn't going to work. It never has! EVER! You can't clean this up with a quick little polish. Homelessness is something you have to kill from the inside. To be on the inside you have to understand it. You don't have to live it! Just try to understand it.

I just wanted a response from this lady. Some understanding. Something more than the "don't know, don't care, you're not responsible" reaction that she gave me.

HHHHH, I feel like I'm onto something here! But just not getting it out right. Like I'm not reading between the lines right. I'm going to post this anyway and just see what people say.

I do feel I'm on the right path though. This is not about the mail. This is about something bigger!

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