Friday, November 18, 2011

Day-58 Homelessrob Can't Get Mail

So aggravated right now. Is it imposable for me to get some mail? I think it is. I've tried several times now. Recently I tried to use a church to get the mail. The church offers lunch 3 times a week. They also offer there address for the homeless to use.

First, I had a box delivered. This was a box filled with material I was going to use to make my crosses. I never got it. Later I found out that the box was returned. I figure "OK, this church just saw a box and returned it. They probably don't get boxes often and didn't know what to do with it"

Then, I had my mother send me some money. When I couldn't get my box I had the company refund my card (which my mother had, long story). This shouldn't have been a problem. My mom is cool, so she did it! I want to the church........ the mail wasn't there.

At this point I'm furious. However, I take the time to relax! Calm down! Remember, this is a church! These people are trying to help. I think back to when I first realized this service was available. It was easy to remember, because I was very excited. I had already been having problems getting mail. So I asked myself: Did I ask then if they would take in a box? Yes, I did! They said "yes"! Did I ask then if I had to do anything to be able to take advantage of this service? Yes I did! The answer was "no"! Did I ask then if I had to talk to anyone first? Yes I did! The answer was "no"! What I was told to do was simply have the mail sent there and I would get it. That's it! They wouldn't send anything back and they would hold it there Intel I could get it.

Finally, after I had calmed down, I saw a man sorting through the mail. I began to ask him about it. He offered no help. After A few minuets someone else ,who was eavesdropping, directed me to someone who was "better suited" to help me. I began asking her about my problem. She offered me no help. She just kind of kept saying the same thing "we don't return mail here", which I know isn't true. She also said "she didn't know me" which baffled me. She and I want around for a  about 1 minute. I kept my cool! I didn't want to because it was quickly becoming apparent to me that this service was a mess. I had been miss lead, miss informed, and was now being srugged off as if it where nothing. I could tell this woman didn't want anything to do with this.

It was at this point where I began my heart felt plea for some understanding! "miss, this has my life in it" i said. It was also at this point that she said one of the most insulting things anyone has ever said to me. "then you should take responsibility for it" she said to me. I had no choice but to walk away. I could feel my blood was boiling at this point. It cost me all the energy I had to walk away. She simply did not care.

Between there and here I thought about it. Why did this make me so mad. Well, first of all I dint have my mail. I tryed to explain to her that I did everything right according to the people left in change of there "offering". I even tryed to make it right by asking her if there something I missed. Maybe I needed to introduce myself to her first, so that she would know that there was a homeless guy there that was going to be getting mail. She implied that! Hes lack of understanding mad me very upset. But it was he lack of understand that drives me crazy.

"Take responsibility"! She didn't know me from a hole in the ground. But because I was someone that needed to have mail sent there all the sudden I'm not responsible. Does homelessness = irresponsibility all of the sudden?

Because I'm homeless....... I don't work! I don't pay child support! I'm a beggar! I drink every chance I get! I'm on drugs! Maybe because I'm homeless I am also fresh out of jail to! maybe because I'm homeless I beat girls! Maybe because I'm homeless I shouldn't even deserve that 100$ my mom sent me. Maybe because I'm homeless she has the right to judge me in front of a room of people that doesn't know me at all. Maybe because I'm homeless I'm just the bad guy. Maybe because I'm homeless I cant get by with out her help!

GGGGGRRRRRRR! I'm letting it out now...... because I'm none of that. I work everyday I get a chance. I pay my support. I stay out of trouble. I don't do drugs. I haven't had a single drink since I've been on the streets (I also don't drink that often as it is). I don't go out and beg people for money or help ever time I see someone eighter. I've never hit a girl! I do not deserve to be judged because of this mess I fell into. If I was irresponsible I surely wouldn't be trying so hard to get out. That little bit of mail did have my life in it and I had to take a day off to get what should have been there.

So here it is, a woman that has now judged me and shut me out. I don't ever want to go back there agine. I'd rather starve. Not that I eat there often anyway. I might have had about 3 lunches there all together. I'm mad though. Not because I didn't get the mail. Not even because she judged me. But mostly because............... this woman has no idea what she's "helping".

I find this to be a common thing. I have stated this fact in quite a few previous post. I have asked this question "why try to help something you don't understand?" I don't get it. If she wanted to help the homeless she would know how important mail is. If you are going to offer that service to homeless people.... you best get that one right. She should also know that homeless people are movers. She is NOT going to know every face that walks thought the she door. I recognized her. I saw her all 3 times I was there. I just didn't know I apparently had to introduce myself to her.

I like seeing people helping. I admire people that go out of their way to do what's right. This woman seems to be more worried about her image then what she's helping. That's my opinion. However, in the fight against homelessness...... she isn't the first and only. In fact, I has ran into a few people like this (I have mentioned some of this in the past).

Homelessness is something that takes UNDERSTANDING. You can not help the homeless if you cant understand them. It wont work! Its not like H.I.V. If you donate money to help stop H.I.V then that's what you did and H.I.V is that much closer to being cured. If you tell a homeless person that you will take in their mail and you dint hold true to your word....... that homeless man might starve for the next 3 days.

Usualy my post are not like this. Today is just that day though. Homelessness isn't always a pretty thing.

Feel like I'm bashing this lady! Really, what I want to bash is the source of her judgment. Because that's the problem. There are a few (very few) things that it will take to bring the stop of homelessness into a reality. Understanding is one of those things. This lady doesn't understand. She simply sees something that she feels is nasty, dirty, filthy......and tries to clean it up. That isn't going to work. It never has! EVER! You cant clean this up with a quick little polish. Homelessness is something you have to kill from the inside. To be on the inside you have to understand it. You don't have to live it! Just try to understand it.

I just wanted a response from this lady. Some understanding. Something more then the "don't know, don't care, your not responsible" reaction she gave me.

HHHHH, I feel like I'm onto something here! But just not getting it out right. Like I'm not reading between the lines right. I'm going to post this anyways and just see what people say.

I do feel I'm on the right path though. This is not about the mail. This is about something bigger!

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