Its been two months now! I'm still alive. I'm impressed with myself at this point although I've done it before. I still am in a constant state of asking myself the "how long" question though. I don't know. One thing I am sure of is that if my plan starts to go away I'll be looking at a very, very long time on the streets. In all reality....... I haven't even started.
I miss my kids! I miss them a lot. My little daughter, Jordy (as I like to call her), always tells me "things will get better". I tell her she's right, but I know that isn't always true. Fact is, I might not ever see them again for all I know. I hate thinking like that, but I have to face the truth here. When you are homeless and away from your family, not ever seeing them again is a reality you must suck up and face. The sooner the better! I know to reach my goal its going to require a lot of time traveling and being on the road - and anything can go wrong. I'm OK with that part as long as I know that when I'm finished I'll have my kids back and a home for them.
I was on Twitter the other night talking to someone and just happened to say something like "I'd give my left arm for a video camera". Someone ( Mark Horvath, who I'll be mentioning in the future) read that line and offered to mail me one. God bless him. I do feel that while traveling, my "mission" I will need it. So, that's one less thing I have to worry about marking off my list of "things I need before I can start". It's a huge weight off my shoulders because I don't know how I would have gotten one on my own at this point.
The only thing I need to get started is the making of my crosses. Then I can go! I'm not in such a rush to get this spell of homelessness done and over with (once and for all) but I am in a bit of a rush to at least to get started on my "mission". Being active in this work would make me feel a whole lot better. I have crosses to give away. I have faith to help build up homeless people. I have the Love of God to be spreading. I have a goal to reach! ASAP!
HHHHHH but I suppose its all in Gods timing, not mine!
I've been going to church. Actually, I should say I was sent to a church. That's more how I feel, really. See, I finally realized I had to start going back before I could make my "mission" one that counts and is meaningful. I had to have my heart in it. I realized this when I couldn't get my crosses started in the past (I mentioned it in some of my other post).
I know when God is talking to me. I have learned that skill very well. God said "go to church! Sharpen your mind with my love, and wait".
Here in Tampa, FL there are many churches! God told me to go to the one I'm going to now. I think its kind of odd actually. Its not really a church I'd see myself in. The people that attend are kind of old. LOL, that's not a crack on them. I just noticed that about 90% of the congregation looks well over 50. I'm 32! I asked God "really, is this really where you want me?" God answered "Rob, don't you know by now to trust in me?" So, I don't know why God is being so specific about this particular church.
Right before I started going I seemed to be bombarded with other church attending offerings. "Come to our church" was all I heard for like a week. Going to these other places would have meant being around at least a few people I know (labor-finder co-workers). But God just kept telling me to go where I'm going now. He seemed adamant about it. I don't know what the "wait" portion of this is all about either. God just said "wait", so I am.
I don't talk to the people that go there very much. I'm pretty quiet, even in the Wednesday night study group. I can feel the members begin to become curious about me to and I know that the questions are about to start coming. I DO NOT like that part. I will NOT be telling any of them how I live, that's for sure. I made my mind up on that one before I ever walked in the building. That's the last thing I need - them thinking I want something from them and so that's why I'm going. Not to say they would judge me like that. I just want to open the door to that possibility. Besides, I get the feeling they already know and asking is strictly for confirmation purposes. Sometimes, I feel the relationship between homelessness and churches are to intertwine. (that's another post).
Either way, soon I'll have to break down and just get the P.O.box Ive been trying to avoid getting. I'll buy into the postal service because I've had enough of dealing with the postal service.
Dear Postal Service,
Why do you hate the homeless people so much? Don't you know how much we have in common?
We are both broke, looking for help from the government, and unemployed!
I'll get my P.O. box after New Years. Then I can maybe get some tax money back. I'll use that money to re-reinvest in my "mission" and hopefully get this ball rolling.
Don't really have anything in particular on my mind today. Just a bunch of blabbering! Hope you don't mind. Blogging seems to keep me sane while I have nothing else to do.
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