My day by day life as a homeless man. I give opinions about homelessness, tell stories, and offer homeless tips for surviving homelessness. Also, I share my plan on escaping homelessness. You get to watch my struggle.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Day - 83 Homelessrob Will Not Sit For Homelessness
I was in church last Sunday when I saw something that changed my life. I don't believe God sends me "sings". If he did it would probably say "hungry, please help" (lol). But I know when God is telling me something. If I don't hear him outright I hear him thought a sort of "humming in my brain". It usually a moment of clarity for me. What he told me that morning was " stay on course, do as I say, and walk".
It was last Sunday! I was in the very back row (as usual, because really I'm a pretty shy sort of guy! Its true). The service was well on its way. There had already been a little girl on stage singing a song that I couldn't really understand.... but it didn't matter because she was so cute about it that she was breaking hearts left and right. The pastor had already been up to give some announcements. The crowed was settled in. LOL, or at least I was.
Then, it was time for some more singing. Two, very beautiful, girls hoped up and broke into a song that moved the earth. LOL, I tell you when I say they moved earth .... I mean it. They sang a song that I had never heard before but would love to hear again. They did so good. It was very nice.
About the end of the song I looked cross the crowd! I noticed a man that I had seen several times, in and outside of church. A homelessman. I notice this man more then most other homeless people in this area. The reason being is because..... well to be honest... he just sticks out a lot more as to what a homeless person looks like, according to popular opinion that is. He isn't very clean. He wears the same clothing every day. Hes hair is usually dirty and bla bla bla. Now, I'm no better then him, and I'm not judging him. I'm simply trying to..... paint a picture here for you. He was homeless...... and not in his Sunday best to say the least.
However, there he was! In church (LOL, where where you last Sunday?). It was at around the end of the song that I noticed him. Shifting around. Moving as if he wanted to stand up. And when those two girls finished that song...... he did! He stood up and started clapping his hands for them. The crowed also clapped as well. It was a good song after all!
But what changed my life happened a little later on. The service continued a little more. Moving along well. Someone new got up and said some things. A candle was lit. Then the two girls got back up and did another song. LOL, these is a lot of singing in this church. You know how church can be the first 20 or 30 minuets..... up and down, up and down! I like it! But you know how it is around this time of year. Everyone is singing. I didn't mind! These two girls could SING! I loved it!
Then around the end of that song I looked over again to see the homelessman. Yes, he was shuffling around some more. I could tell that he couldn't wait to stand up and clap it up again. That was fine with me. I had no reason to be any bit concerned about it. I'm just reporting here, that when the girls where done with the second song the homeless man stood up aging and showed his support with several hand claps.
This time was different tho. What moved me was how this time......everyone stood up and clapped. The entire congregation was on there feet. Something they didn't do the first time. I have no bought in my mind that the reason was because of the homelessman. The first time he stood completely alone. He was the only one doing what honestly we all should have been doing in the first place (including myself), showing support. The first time he stood up he stock out like a swore thumb. It seemed almost awkward to be honest, because no one else did it. these two girls sang there hearts out and the only one that stood up for them was a homelessman. But after that, because of that homelessman, EVERYONE (including myself) stood.
This homelessman stood up. He exposed himself to everyone there. He didn't care about who saw him. He didn't care about his appearance. He didn't care that people might talk about him. He didn't care what people thought about him. He simply stood up and clapped his hands. He spent 20 seconds going against the grain and to do what was right. What should have been done for those two girls, that deserved nothing less, in the first place.
I'm no leader. I believe you lead by example. I'm no example! I have fallen to far from life. I have lost everything. I have failed myself! My kids! My family! Even God a time or two! Yet still they all love me and support me in my darkest hour. I couldn't tell you why. I'm no one great. I'm not someone that has achieved great things. I'm not someone that you might see on the cover of "time". I'm not someone that has ever been recognized for doing good work. I'm a follower and not a very good one at that.
But last Sunday morning changed my life. I learned something that morning. I learned that none of that stuff matters. I learned that people have an ability to become leaders rather they believe it, or even like, it or not! ANYONE can turn a tide.
Now, God told me weeks ago to walk, that was already in the mix! Last Sunday God told me to be myself as I did it. I'm not looking to "lead" anyone. I'm not a leader. I'm not trying to turn tides. I'm honestly just looking to satisfy Gods will in me. But for me personally I feel I have to. Because deep down I do want people to change. I do want people to believe in what I saw in church. I do want people to believe that they can do big things no matter how small they think thy are.
So, I cant sit anymore! I cant sit for this life. I cant die in a tent in a wild life reserve. I can accept that this is the life God has chosen for me. I can accept that! I can deal with that. But I wont sit for it anymore. I wont wast anymore of my time wandering around doing nothing. I wont sit for it. I wont sit here and continue to let homelessness take little bits and pieces of me. I wont sit here and keep letting time go by. I wont sit here anymore and NOT at least try my hardest to make some sort of change. I wont sit for it any more.
So, I stand and walk, soon. Why? because there are things to me worth standing for. I'll stand for America, because I believe in America! I believe that America is worth standing for. I believe America can change, I believe America can be fixed and restored, and made right, better then ever! I'll stand for my family and my kids because they believe I can stand! I'll stand for God also because he put his hand out for me to stand up. I'll stand up and walk. I'll walk across America and along the way be myself. I'll do it for these causes. I'll do it not just because God is telling me to but because I know I can. I would rather stand for things I believe in then have my kids find out I died a coward thinking and talking about change all the while doing nothing.
I'm not a leader. I'm not looking to change people. I just am going to do what I think is right, despite my "condition" (if you will). I'm just going to try and be me and do what I think is right... for whatever the reason is..... I cant say, God didn't tell me why! I'll do it without any expectations. I'll do it without any care about what anyone says or thinks about me. I'll even do it with out this blog or any followers if that where the case, but as it is God told me to write it all first and told me to walk much later on. I'll do it because in my heart I know something good must come out of it. I mean it has to right? God doesn't tell people to do things because they are wrong to do!
So, starting sometime next month I start my walk across America. I'll be looking to walk through every state and hit every major city I can. Starting here in Tampa, Fl and ending in VT. I'll be doing a video blog along the way. I'll be talking about homelessness. I'll be talking to the homeless and I'll be recording it all to post for you. Also, I'll be planting seeds along the way (or doing my best to honer God as far as that goes). Now, somewhere in this process I stall have to figure out how to reach my goal. I'm working on a few thoughts as far as that goes. That's why I invited you all here in the first place anyways. For me to tell you a story. For you to watch a struggle.... don't forget that!
84 days ago I never thought I'd be attempting anything like this. Honestly, the more I think about this the more I like it. For you (my reader) you should be more then entertained. As for me, I hope to have a very eye opening road trip. Rather any change is mad I don't know... I'm not going to ame for that. I'm just going to be me and see what happens. Because I can't sit here anymore...... and do nothing!