Thursday, February 9, 2012
Day - 142 Homelessrob, Introduces His Mom!
I love my mom, but she likes to poke around in my life at times. LOL, you did not think I'd start like that did you?
I must have been on about day 40 of this blog. It was at that point people really started to notice me. I started getting messages from people almost every day. People building me up, saying that I inspire them. I never expected it. I did not know how to handle it. I'm simply not worthy of it. I still feel that way.
So there I was, whimpering like a little girl that lost her Barbie, telling my mother that my own big mouth was getting me heard, LOL. There she was telling me to man up and get a clue. This is typical talk when it comes to my mom. I can't tell you how many times in life she has verbally attacked me, telling me to stop acting like a woos (someone that is a wimp; afraid to do what he should do ) .
All I said to my mom was "Mom, I've been doing this blog thing, and people are responding". The next time I spoke to her she mentioned that she liked my blog. LOL, she snooped! I could not believe it. Honestly, I did not even like it. See, there are things about my life and homelessness I would not want my mom to know. Homelessness is embarrassing for me at times. Letting my mom into this world is not something I ever wanted to do. I did not want her to see these things. I did not want her to see what a looser I had become, or how I felt like one. That's not to say homeless people are loosers, that just how I feel at times. It's different when you can talk to people that don't know you, knowing you can always shut them off, than it is when it's your own family. Plus, I always want to tell you (my readers) everything. I never want to hold back. I felt that with my mom watching and reading that I might.
My mom always makes me feel good though. I can say having her around here (reading my blog and being on my Facebook) has not stopped me from saying anything or doing anything. She is my biggest supporter and my main source of inspiration.
Some years ago my mom told me that she had been diagnosed with, well..... a whole bunch of nasty stuff. I remember when she first told me about it all. She rattled off words I had never heard. "Myasthenia gravis" was the prime enemy (this is a defect in the muscles that enable you to move). This creepy little thing had got her and got her good. Hopped up on more meds than a druggy could handle, my mom often fell victim to her bed. After awhile she could not get around any much better on the good days. Soon she was in a wheelchair (that broke my heart to see). At times my mom would spend days (to say the least) in bed, unable to move. This went on for years. But my mom never quit trying get the most out of life. She never stopped trying to move.
Then, by the grace of God, she got better. I believe it was her will. My mom never, for a single second, stopped being a good person. She never let these problems slow her down from handling the other challenges life delivered her, and doing the things she felt right. If my mom was to see a person in need of a blanket, believe you me, she would crawl out of her bed and do her very best to play her part. That's just how my mom is. This is simply how my mom has inspired me.
My mom then found a new doctor that told her she did not have anything wrong with her. She dumped the pills (which seemed easy for her, thank God for that one), tossed the wheel chair, and now not only lives her life to the fullest, but takes up a portion of my slack as well. She loves to garden. I love watching my mom lugging around large boulder rocks in the garden. She is somehow strong enough now to that. I'd help her with the rocks...... but I think she likes moving it all around herself.
My mother and I do not always see eye to eye. Sometimes we fight. Usually these fights come with a long period of time when we (I) do not talk. However, my mother's love for me is as relentless as her will to live a happy life. I know that no matter what is going on in my life, no matter how hard I think things are for me, no matter how much I want to quit and give in, my mom will always answer my collect call, even if it is only to tell me that I need to man up and grow a set. She never quits on me, she never gives up on me.
Now, I'm glad my mom hunted down my little world here. I'm glad she chose to be a part of it. She made it easy too. She would have left and never read any of this if I had asked her. However, I need her. I need that constant motivation. I need that constant reminder to keep doing better, despite what others might say or how well the chips are stacked against me. My mother is a constant reminder for me that things are often likely to turn around if you are willing to fight for what you believe in. My mother's story is her own and I can't tell it better than she can. However, this one is for my mom because it's her story that I always turn to in my sissy girl moments. People say things to me, and I know its not me that they are talking to. I'm simply a reflection of my mother.
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